President Blames Faulty Intel

President Bush came out swinging against his critics today, explaining that he briefly left the National Guard in 1972 because, in his words, "I thought the mission was accomplished."

Charles "Whiffy" Wiffington, a frat brother of Mr. Bush's at the Delta Kappa Epsilon fraternity at Yale, confirms Mr. Bush's version of events: "George was definitely under the impression that major combat operations in Vietnam were over."

Mr. Wiffington, an avid golfer and former Halliburton executive, told reporters, "I remember him showing up at the DKE frat house in his flight suit saying, 'Mission accomplished.' None of us had any idea what the devil he was talking about."

After two days of what Mr. Wiffington described as "a truly bodacious kegger," Mr. Bush happened to turn on the television and saw a news report indicating that the Vietnam War was very much still underway.

"Yikes!" Mr. Wiffington recalled the President saying. "I better get out of here!"

The President, who then quickly returned to the National Guard, today blamed his decision to leave on "faulty intelligence."

"I was watching 'Monday Night Football' in a bar and someone told me that the Vietnam War was over," Mr. Bush explained. "As it turned out, I guess he was pulling my leg."

Hoping to put a punctuation mark on the controversy, Mr. Bush said, "The important thing is, the Iraqi people are free of the tyranny of Saddam Hussein."

Elsewhere, NASA announced today that the planet Mars may be capable of supporting wildly expensive space missions.